Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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