fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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