I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.