I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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