I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
