I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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