Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
