Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
