I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
