ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
