i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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