I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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