I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
