he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
