you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
