yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think your dad took our porno
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
