How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
