even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
