you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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