she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't deserve a penis
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
