from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
