I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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