I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
