so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
