Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
