hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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