and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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