I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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