Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
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all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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