he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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