If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
