hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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