I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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