you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
