drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
