just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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