I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
