Yo dont text me then not text me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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