Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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