things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
