My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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