Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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