Me too!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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