Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize