so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
