I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
