On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
