STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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