i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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