I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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