Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
