we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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