dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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