Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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