She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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