You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
