At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am one with the molecules
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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