you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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