That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
