PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize