apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
