I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
