the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
