And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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