I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
