Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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