we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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