I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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