I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
