I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's blow job season.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
