its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
