Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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