I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
